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‘Satanic Panic’ Movie Review


Written by Ted Geoghegan and Grady Hendric

Directed by Chelsea Stardust

Starring: Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O’Connell, Ruby Modine, and Hayley Griffith

A pizza delivery girl at the end of her financial rope has to fight for her life – and her tips when her last order of the night turns out to be high society Satanists in need of a virgin sacrifice.

If horror movies have taught me anything, it’s that all rich white folks worship the devil. Satanic Panic reinforces that notion in this horror/comedy mashup starring the fresh-faced Hayley Griffith as Sam the pizza delivery….person. I think the film suffers from a little personality disorder as it fluctuates between comedy and ultra-violent horror. Somewhere between Jerry O’Connell offering to rape Sam’s virginity away, and the torrents of spraying blood, the film does find some balance between its genres.

The setup is simple, super poor Sam is on her first night of delivering pizzas on her moped when she delivers some pies to a house in a very opulent part of town. She does what any (none) of us would do when they stiff her on the tip, she finds a way inside and interrupts the party. The “party” is of course, a group of Satanists trying to get their typical virgin sacrifice thing going. How serendipitous for them.


The sharp-tongued dialogue and abysmally evil props push the film further than your garden variety horror/comedy, but it never strays into new ground. The film is refreshing as it never takes itself too seriously, which is rare talent for horror flicks these days. Satanic Panic is also ripe with above average performances from Hayley Griffith and Ruby Modine (Happy Death Day).

This is fun film to add to your Halloween viewing season. In Theaters, On Digital/ On Demand – September 6, 2019.

Final score B-



About Fister Roboto (2239 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...
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