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Metallica Announce Plans to Do an All Don Henley Album – Just in Time for Summer

San Francisco, CA James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich, apparently sick of the Boys of Summer/Lords of Satan jokes and memes, have decided to shut the fans up for good. Metallica’s long-overdue album is being pushed back to make room for the official Metallica Don Henley Garage Days EP due out in June. When the AP asked Lars what brought the change to this summer’s plans, he stated this. “Yeah, you know. It’s like, you know, it’s like keep on making fun of us. We won’t be around forever. It’s like we can’t make the fans happy anymore, so here’s a Don Fucking Henley greatest hits for your fucking iPod, you know?” The seemingly aggravated drummer went on to complain about fans chilly reception to their new song “The Lords of Summer”. Fans were quick to react negatively, drawing comparisons to the Don Henley Song “The Boys of Summer” and Rob Zombie film, The Lords of Salem. Caught in the middle, the band announced their tour wasn’t a negative reflection on Don Henley. but rather a “fuck you” to the fans. James had this to say.

“We listen to a lot of shit. A lot of it, and we’re tired of it. We didn’t start this band to listen to idiots in the south bash our band. We wrote fucking Master of Puppets, what did THEY write? Fuck em. I hope they enjoy Don Henley and the Eagles because Kirk is re-learning the Hotel California solo as I speak.” When asked if he was just doing this because he was upset, he stormed out of the room, his team of PR reps scurrying after him.

Metallica’s uh, new Don Henley cover album, Hotel MetallicaFornia releases on June 25. I’m at a loss here, folks, so I’ll just set back and watch this play out like you.

About Fister Roboto (2239 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

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