‘The Flowers of Fantastico’ Episode 4: “Sister Contentious” Review

“She will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!”

This quote from Russ Meyer’s Beyond the Valley of the Dolls really puts this show in perspective. While Flowers might be short on nudity, it is richly redonk. That’s a great power in the right hands. Flowers creator, Rachel Kerry, seems content to use her power for good…for now. Enough about exploitation, let’s see how far Tara sinks in episode #4.

The episode opens with a world-worn Nun interrogating the assistant manager of a local meditation center. Why does Sister Contentious want to know about Bette Jensen? Why does she have a battle-axe? Why is it so bad for a 12-year-old girl to sneak you into her parents’ house and play naughty dress-up time? Oh, right. That whole pedo thing. Parents really seem to hate that. This could be part of the whole Necropedophiles thing the Sister mentions in her rant. It turns out the assistant manager is more than she initially appears, and things get purple fast.

Tara, buzzed on Billi’s blueberry martinis, has an unfortunate phone conversation with her ex. Billi and Gary sit in relative horror at Tara’s quick descent. Billi tries to make sense of it all and comfort Tara. His pep talk was well-meaning, but doesn’t go well. This hilarious scene delivers perhaps the best awkward pause in the history of bisexual horror webisodes, which begs a question…

Why aren’t YOU watching The Flowers of Fantastico?