Fister News!

‘Machete Kills’ Movie Review: How to Ruin Brainless Fun

amber heard machete kills

Machete was a killer B movie. It was killer because it knew it was a ridiculous, over-the-top, star-studded work of violence. It had no aspirations to become a real film, nor did the audience have such demands. In one scene, Machete disemboweled a guy, grabs his guts and rappels down the side of building. He crashes through the window, lopping heads off with his trademark weapon. Machete Kills somehow lost every bit of the original film’s charm and sheer indulgence, delivering one shit piece of a film.

Machete Kills is too shitty to review. This flick gets a zero. The CG blood splatter and bloated list of guest stars is simply too much. The plot goes nowhere, slowly at that, and ends abruptly. The only redeeming quality comes from Amber Heard’s mere presence. This might be the stupidest, more boring, knock-off exploitation flick ever created. If Sofia Vergara doesn’t improve your movie, you are so fucked.

Amber-Heard-Pictures-27

About Fister Roboto (2239 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: