Machete was a killer B movie. It was killer because it knew it was a ridiculous, over-the-top, star-studded work of violence. It had no aspirations to become a real film, nor did the audience have such demands. In one scene, Machete disemboweled a guy, grabs his guts and rappels down the side of building. He crashes through the window, lopping heads off with his trademark weapon. Machete Kills somehow lost every bit of the original film’s charm and sheer indulgence, delivering one shit piece of a film.
Machete Kills is too shitty to review. This flick gets a zero. The CG blood splatter and bloated list of guest stars is simply too much. The plot goes nowhere, slowly at that, and ends abruptly. The only redeeming quality comes from Amber Heard’s mere presence. This might be the stupidest, more boring, knock-off exploitation flick ever created. If Sofia Vergara doesn’t improve your movie, you are so fucked.