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‘Thankskilling 3’ (2012) Movie Review

Thankskilling 3

Directed by Jordan Downey

Written by Jordan Downey, Mike Will Downey, and Kevin Stewart

Starring: Daniel Usaj, Joe Hartzler, and Preston Altree

Fowl-mouthed villain Turkie carves through the likes of a rapping grandma, a mindless puppet, a wig-wearing inventor, a bisexual space worm, and their equally ridiculous friends on his quest to recover the last copy of “ThanksKilling 2”.

Last year I had the pleasure of watching Thankskilling, a terribly awesome holiday horror movie about a murderous turkey bent on spilling the giblets of the innocent. I’m sad to say the newest Turkie tale is the Stove Top Stuffing® of Thanksgiving horror movies. I think your potential enjoyment could be filtered down to one question: Have you ever wondered if space vortex could exist in a robot’s butthole? If you have, well, your dark meat chariot awaits. The rest of the world, like me, has a limit, and I hit mine about an hour in. I don’t turn off many films, but this self-indulgent piece of meta-shit left me no choice.

Sure, there’s plenty of funny gags and unfiltered ridiculousness, but it ultimately proves a good model for less is more. You’re not alone if you wondered how you missed Thankskilling 2. There is no part 2, except as part of the gag of part 3, which I wouldn’t dream of spoiling for you. It’s like…the Thanksgiving version of Inception.

Condensed I-don’t-give-a-shit review? Sure, some people will find this B Movie just self-aware enough to be entertaining. I hated it. I turned the movie off just over an hour in because it had 46 minutes to go, and no thanks. If you’ve just taken some gel tabs, or maybe some DMT, there is hope of this silly, stupid, and convoluted plot to impress. I assure you, this is the turd floating in the Thanksgiving punch. Swing and a miss.

About Fister Roboto (2229 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

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