Written & Directed by Rob Zombie
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Danielle Harris, Scout Taylor-Compton, and Brad Dourif
Laurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael’s deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister.
Rob Zombie’s Halloween II is a terrible film. I should mention I’m a huge Zombie fan, hell, I even liked The Lords of Salem, a film many horror fans rejected. I still defend his version of Halloween, a far cry from Carpenter’s vision, but still a cool remake on it’s on merits. So, before I rip this film to shreds, keep in mind that I love Zombie’s films. Just not this one.
I’m not a huge fan of the original Halloween II. Director Rick Rosenthal failed to capture any of the first film’s passion or abject terror. I liked the hospital setting and Jamie Lee Curtis brought her skill to a weak script, it was just unnecessary. I suppose the studio thought otherwise. Two words are responsible for Halloween II in both instances: cashing in. There was one thing I liked about this film and it was the record store called “Uncle Meats”. If you missed the reference, the name refers to Frank Zappa, the greatest rock composer of the 20th century. I dug the hippie dippie Howard Hesseman as the store owner. All things considered, these are paper fucking thin perks to the film.
Meyers walks across the country like a bearded hobo, pausing to converse with his dead mother who appears as a beautiful spirit in white. He’s unable to ditch the pale white horse theme that follows him across the corn and bean fields of the Midwest. Zombie chose some discombobulated white horse/Freudian path to tell the killer’s tale. It makes no sense and left me furious more than I can remember. This wasn’t a retelling of the 1979 film, this was a whole new story, one that no one needed to see.
The film has no cohesive flow. The painfully ham-fisted plot unfolds with complete audacity. Michael wants his family back together, taking his dead mother’s words as gospel, brutally forging through three acts of complete bullshit. There isn’t a trace of the true Michael Meyers in H2 and that’s one of the biggest reasons to hate it. A close second is the pompous Dr. Loomis. Not even McDowell can help this bullshit character. Fresh off his book tour, Loomis rides around in a black limo, treating his publicist like garbage. Loomis is so far removed from even Zombie’s original film. Such a waste of Malcolm McDowell’s stellar talents. I meet the guy last month and didn’t bring up this piece of shit.
Unmasked and shot to death in a field, Meyers was dead way before the last bullet pierced his flesh. I hate that this film exists. It’s a true blot on the franchise, which has quickly proved there is only one Halloween; the original 1978 John Carpenter masterpiece. Fuck everything about this woeful piece of trash.