TWERK Editorial: An Open Letter to the Miley Cyrus Open Letter Writers

Dear, public, your cause for alarm was noted. 24 hours ago something truly remarkable happened. Miley Cyrus, a young, attractive pop star took the stage at the prestigious MTV Video Music Awards, a medium known for its noble style and poise. and hunched around in flesh-colored underwear. Some people called it “groundbreaking”, “hypnotizing“, and lastly, “that one song with Robin Thicke in it”. Of course, such legal, anticipated, and weird performances are sure to draw criticism. Here’s some timely condemnation from The Parents Television Council:

“MTV has once again succeeded in marketing sexually charged messages to young children using former child stars and condom commercials — while falsely rating this program as proper for kids as young as 14. This is unacceptable,” director of public policy, Dan Isett, said in a statement.

“This much is absolutely clear: MTV marketed adults-only material to children while falsely manipulating the content rating to make parents think the content was safe for their children,” he continued. “MTV continues to sexually exploit young women by promoting acts that incorporate ‘twerking’ in a nude-colored bikini. How is this image of former child star Miley Cyrus appropriate for 14-year-olds? How is it appropriate for children to watch Lady Gaga strip down to a bikini in the opening act?”

They bring up a lot of good points in this watchdog approach to anything they don’t agree with. There’s this: “MTV has once again succeeded in marketing sexually charged messages to young children using former child stars and condom commercials — while falsely rating this program as appropriate for kids as young as 14..”

MTV are shady? Gasp. No one saw that coming. If you play watchdog for your actual child, then you would have a vague understanding of what the VMAs represent. That would be tits and ass, booty shaking, gyrating, hunching, simulated sex acts, and Howard Stern descending from the clouds as a superhero that farts podiums over. Based on their market, wouldn’t we expect sex to fill about 87% of the VMAs? Also, who lets their 14-year-old kid decide what they’re going to watch? There’s one kid you can assuredly save every time a questionable program is on. It starts at home, folks.

Listen, Gen-X kids, how many of you screamed foul when Jackson was grabbing his crotch back in the good old days? Did you laugh at your parents if they were offended by Madonna writhing around on the floor in a wedding dress, seductively singing “Like a Virgin”? You most likely did, and here you are, a broadly adjusted adult. I guess those lascivious acts didn’t turn us all into child molesters and coked out strippers. Well, not all of us, I mean sometimes you just want to feel pretty and twerk it. Tweak it, whatever the kids call it these days. I’m digressing. TWERK.

My point is this, I’m positive you weren’t offended as a kid watching Warner Brothers. The glaring violence of KILL THE RABBIT! or Bugs cross-dressing with a bear trap in his mouth, lined with Do Me Red lipstick – none of these things offended us then. Now everything is hyper-sensitive. People sue parents when little Tommy wasn’t forced to wait 30 minutes to swim after he had a hotdog. Parents have more control over the content their kids watch at home than ever before. Sure. kids see shit at school and their friends houses that you can’t control, but you can control your own home. Elvis’ hips, The Beatles, The Doors, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Lady GaGa and Madonna all have one thing in common. You, as a parent, can make the final decision that either allows that dry humping inside your home, or you can boot it on sight. Do one or the other, just don’t tell the rest of the world what’s right or wrong. It’s not your gig to decide who’s obligated to be a teen role model, how inherently good or trashy a performer is, or make sweeping decisions for the world based on your tight moral code. Even these fancy HDTVs and solar-powered iPad Fire’s have off buttons, maybe use them more than you have been. If it makes you feel any better, I’m way past 14 and I just found this thing weird and off-putting. Twerkhandhorror,com, signing off the soapbox.

Now let’s look at some shady VMA performances gone by!

Dan Akroyd is SMOKING during the intro. Awesome.

I never thought these songs would ever be posted from Left Hand Horror. How about a palate cleanser?