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“Of Darkness” (2006) Short Film Review

olivia-munn-very-hot1

Directed by Gary E. Irwin

Written by Matt Casale

Starring: Eric Austin, Jo Ann Biviano, and Brendon Boyes

While cleaning out their recently deceased grandfathers belongings, Brian & Jeff Chaisson inadvertently stumble upon an ancient book; one of mysterious and malevolent origin.

SPOILERS YOU WON’T CARE ABOUT, BUT, HEY, SPOILER ALERT REGARDLESS

You might be wondering why this film review has a rather fetching photo of Olivia Munn as the main image. Well, that’s simple, if I can’t find a damn image of your movie poster that’s not any bigger than 300×200 – it isn’t getting posted on this site, plus, hey, check it out, it’s Olivia Munn. I promise you’ll be glad you got sidetracked thinking about her in a few minutes, and when you do, there she is. Plus, there’s this.

So, I rent things on a whim sometimes. If the poster or synopsis catches my attention, then it might have a shot, right? Some other reviewer’s 2.5 rated flick might be my 4..you never know. In this occasion, 2.5 is simply wishful thinking. Of Darkness looked kind of cool as I scrolled across my PS3’s Amazon Instant Video feature. It looked like it won an award or something, so I gave it a shot. I require certain elements to rate something favorably. One of those things is simply a reason to exist, and sadly, this film has no reason to live.

Two brothers, stunted by the own conversational skills, are moving a heavy box inside their home one day, when the subject of their grandfather comes up. Of course, the younger brother can’t remember much about the guy, so his brother tells him he was a Satanist. Unlike every other person I know, the little brother simply goes about his business and the subject is never mentioned again. This is in spite of the knockoff copy of The Necronomicon they find in their granddad’s things, The mom isn’t home the entire time, an inevitable horror cliché regardless of the budget or aspirations. This leaves the home without any real authority figure, so the little brother has all of his friends over. You might wonder if the kids are zombies – they’re not, just extremely boring and lifeless. This is no The Goonies, y’all. The chemistry or charm is non-existent, and before you think I judge a 22 minute movie too harshly, let me remind you of short films like Familiar, Worm, or Witchfinder.

Of Darkness simply has no payoff, there is no reward for finishing this $1.99 rental. The darkness creeps forward, killing the kids one by one, presumably because one kid opens the Dollar Store version of The Necronomicon. Hey, he was warned, and remember, people playing pranks in horror flicks always die. I don’t want to spoil the shocking ending for you, so I’ll leave that to the film itself, should you become bold enough to undertake such a terrible thing. Enjoy the pseudo metal credits which is one dude playing generic guitar along with pre-programmed drums. A perfectly woeful end to a perfectly woeful short film.

About Fister Roboto (2204 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

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