Fister Roboto Wishes You a Happy Birthday, ‘Merica!

Yo, yo, yo, ‘Merica! They say it yo’ burfday! *ahem* Sorry. Hello, America, looks like it’s time for another birthday. I didn’t get you a card, but I did make this list of highly patriotic activities to celebrate your special day in style.

1. Crush a beer can while blasting AC/DC’s Shoot to Kill. Done.

2. Build a ladder to Heaven.

3. Something involving sports.

4. Drink beer.

5. Blow up a small part of America with illegally obtained fireworks. “Not legal in Kentucky.” Pffffft.

6. Put a boot up someone’s ass. Blasting Toby Keith isn’t required, but I feel it really gives it that Je ne sais quoi.

7. Tell stories about the good ol days. Make sure to say “Grandpappy” a bunch.

8. Order a 114 ounce soda at a fast food joint. It’s literally the least you can do.

9. Alienate a bunch of kids by telling them why Captain America really “stood for something” when you were young. Kids love hearing how their version of shit sucks.

10. Two words: Monster trucks.

Lists are great, everyone loves a good list, but people love a good ‘Merica slideshow even more.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Never forget…