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‘Black Roses’ (1988) Moview Review: Worse Than Kiss without Makeup

black-roses-movie-poster-1988-1020203798

Directed by John Fasano

Written by Cindy Cirile (screenplay)

Starring: John Martin, Ken Swofford, Sal Viviano

Demons hypnotize the general public by posing as a rock and roll band.

Oh, heavy metal and horror, your intermingling never fails to amuse me. Unlike 1986’s awesome B-flick, Trick r’ Treat, Black Roses is as far removed from actual metal knowledge as your standard Arcade Fire fan. Embracing loveable and quirky characters, Trick r’ Treat made us laugh between scenes of tremendously cheesy terror. Black Roses was unable to produce even the mildest moment of pure entertainment from the confines of my living room. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE an awesomely bad B-movie, but this is closer to a Z-movie bomb. It’s just terrible in a non-ironic way.

The plot was ridiculous, and not in a good way. There wasn’t one cool character to cheer for – a strong protagonist is needed even in the shittiest of films, so try to remember that if Black Roses 2 is ever on the radar. Terrible acting under the delusion that the skill was real – possibly the most unaware crap I’ve ever seen. The effects were worse than you can possibly imagine, and to make it worse, I hated every character this piece of crap churned out. If anything was remotely cool about this, it had to be the fist-pumping Me Against the World (Lizzy Borden) that kicked the movie off.

Great movies are just that, and bad movies can transcend their own stupidity with a wink to the audience. Sadly, this was nothing more than 80 minutes time-wasting sub-mediocrity. Skip this like you would Metallica and Lou Reed working together. Total shit.

 

About Fister Roboto (2231 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

2 Comments on ‘Black Roses’ (1988) Moview Review: Worse Than Kiss without Makeup

  1. Tim Latorre // June 22, 2013 at 11:40 pm // Reply

    I own this for comic relief

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