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[EMF] Effing Metal Friday: Hair Metal!

motley-crue-014blood

The 80’s were a glorious time to be alive and into metal. While we had Metallica, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, and Slayer, we also Winger, Cinderella, Warrant, and Motley Crue. Whether it’s for nostalgic reasons or the mixed bag aspect of it all, metal was simultaneously awesome and horrendous. You might find the following songs still in your iPod’s regular rotation – if you do, you’re probably a child of the 70’s and 80’s. If not, well, then this is musical reality check. Go download some Tool for God’s sake.

This video was only cool because it was Satanic and demoralized women. I assure you those are great criteria for 80’s metal.

Rocking out in the slow motion rain has never been gayer.

So, we’re supposed to believe Young Stephen wished to be in Ratt twenty years in the future? Right.

Why does that one dude have a giant rainbow on his prison cell wall? I doubt it’s The Reading Rainbow. At the time, 1982 and all, I thought this was some Kubrick-level shit for a music video.

Another video that asks “Why do so many hair metal guys wear knee pads?” I just don’t know. In retrospect, I have a few ideas.

I took my girlfriend to see Whitesnake and got lost in East Peoria. It was sign from God. We still found our way to the Peoria Civic Center though.

I shit you not, Kip Winger runs some kind of Rock n’ Roll Fantasy Camp deal in Las Vegas. Get your application in early and learn the fundamentals of jailbait.

What?

It’s hard to believe this existed before Gob Bluth.

Don’t feel bad – I had blocked these guys out as well.

Despite my old death metal band’s repeated gigs at Mabel’s in Champaign/Urbana, Illinois, it will always be the place where I saw Bulletboys. Don’t judge.

Hairspray be damned, Tesla had an amazing double-guitar presence. And, holy shit, there was a video for everything in the 80’s.

How you gonna hate on Twisted Sister?

Okay, thanks for indulging me. How about a palate cleanser?

About Fister Roboto (2239 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

5 Comments on [EMF] Effing Metal Friday: Hair Metal!

  1. Reblogged this on "You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" and commented:
    Ahhhh!!! It’s MY Kind Of METAL!!! WOOHOO!!!
    Nothin’ But The Best ’round Here!!!
    ROOOOOOOOOCK OOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
    Love It Love It LOOOOOVE IT!!! 😀
    -B.

  2. Awesome and cringeworthy! While the 80’s had NWOBHM and Thrash – they also had the glam and ‘hair metal’ bands. Just wanted to point out, bands like, Scorpions, Whitesnake, Priest – were all established 70’s bands – that just got new hair and clothes(spandex) to compete with 80’s American hair metal. A lot of the glam and Hair Metal wasn’t really even metal IMO, it was just pop music with loud guitars (Poison, Warrant, White Lion, Winger, The Nelsons…yuck!). Just wanted to add my 2 cents incase someone reads this that don’t know – watch Metal Evolution!

  3. Well said! So many established bands drifted into this Aqua Net sponsored trend. What a guilty pleasure. \m/

  4. I’m a 90’s child and I’m only listening to old-school rock music!Beautiful post!

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