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Breaking News: Nickelback Learns a Fourth Chord!


Chad Kroeger thumbed his nose to reporters and skeptics today when he announced he has learned a …fourth chord. Those of you familiar with Nickelback‘s music know this is real progress. Accompanied by his paid music instructor, ten-year-old, Martin Sumack, the Canadian rock star left Martin’s parent’s trailer with his gig bag in hand. Pausing to greet fans and blow the minds of the press gathered outside the double-wide trailer, Chad shared his terrific news.

“Ya know, I’m soooo tired of being ridiculed by musicians and elementary-level band students, so I did something about it.” Martin rolled his eyes and attempted to hide his face as Chad forcibly grabbed his hand and high-fived him on the oil-stained driveway. “Number four, assholes!” Despite the pleas of neighbors and onlookers, Chad unbuttoned his pants and peed a very discernible number 4 in the snow surrounding the trailer.

If you’ve followed along at home, Nickelback now have a chord for each member of the band. The rockers were already familiar with an open E chord, an open A chord, and drop D Tuning. Today, Chad learned a barre-chord version of A. Some might not call it a fourth chord since Mr, Kroeger is simply playing a chord he already knows, but in a different position. Fans of the band were ready to take anything they could get. 22-year-old bartender, Mike McKenzie, was there to celebrate the good news. His life as the guitarist in Pennyback, a local Nickelback tribute band, just got “real” as he stated.

“Are you kidding me? This is huge! I’ve wanted to up my game for a long time, and Chad has forced my hand.” Despite the giant instructional cardboard sign spelling out the chord, Mike admits it’s going to be one day at time. “I don’t want to reinvent the wheel or anything, but at this rate, we could have a song featuring a minor chord by 2015.” We certainly wish Mike and Chad the best of luck. I can’t think of a better April Fool’s Day.

About Fister Roboto (2239 Articles)
Just ring it up with the dong tea...

1 Comment on Breaking News: Nickelback Learns a Fourth Chord!

  1. Wow, that Chad Kroeger is one talented mother f***er! HA!
    On a serious note: I am confused! Was your Nickelback letter an April Fools hoax? I surely hope no one is really threatening my favorite site!!!!!

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