Cursed (2005) Review

Article by SisterRoboto of lefthandhorror.com

Directed By: Wes Craven

Written By: Kevin Williamson

Starring: Christina Ricci, Joshua Jackson, Shannon Elizabeth, and Judy Greer

“Even a man who is pure at heart
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright… ”  – The Wolf Man (1941)

 A werewolf loose in Los Angeles changes the lives of three young adults, who, after being mauled by the beast, learn they must kill their attacker if they hope to change their fate to avoid becoming werewolves too.

Are you in the mood for a good ole’ werewolf movie?  Then keep looking because this isn’t it.  I would imagine that creating a truly terrifying werewolf movie would be an incredible task to accomplish, so I’m really trying to take it easy on Wes for this one. I would say the only part I really liked about it was watching Christina Ricci. I have always been a big fan of hers but this one makes me shake my head and wonder what kind of a low point she was in to succumb to this. Although this film has an all-star cast and the directing genius of Mr. Wes Craven himself, the film really does… well, suck werewolf ass!  For all intents and purposes, Cursed is a camp film straight out of the 70’s.  It’s aimed at the same teenage audience it portrays on screen.  It’s a modern day film, trying to appear as though it’s set in another era.

Brother and sister Ellie and Jimmy (Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg) are driving home one evening when something hits their car, causing them to spin out of control and hit another vehicle. As they attempt to save the girl who is trapped in the other car, a beastly creature rips her free, killing her and injuring Ellie and Jimmy.  After a couple days and some intensive comic book research, the two discover that a werewolf has bitten them. They are now cursed and slowly turning into werewolves themselves! The mark of the beast shows on their palms, five points that form a pentacle if you draw a star. They have hyper developed senses, an increase in strength, and a sudden sex appeal to everyone around them. The only way to break the curse is to kill the creature who attacked them.

Confusingly, the film doesn’t even seem to be about werewolves half the time. Ellie has pale skin, neck-biting fantasies, and an all-black ensemble seeming to more like a vampire. On the other hand, Jimmy’s leaping ability and new-found strength seems to be indicating he is… Spiderman?  So, while all of this is transpiring, the werewolf who bit them is still on the loose killing all the locals and wreaking havoc within the city of LA. The movie does a poor job in its use of blood, gore, shocks, or concealing the identity of the mystery werewolf. You learn pretty early on exactly what’s happening, therefore eliminating any peak in climax.

The film provides brief cameo appearances by Lance Bass, Craig Kilborn, and Scott Baio. If I were a werewolf, I’d go after Lance Bass first, now that would be entertainment! Cursed is a movie with no scares, with no laughs, and it’s hard to imagine anyone truly enjoying it except for junior high girls having a sleepover. The CGI was piss poor and the acting was… meh.  When I went into writing this review I was trying to be positive and really focus on the good points. But as I’m writing, I’m struggling to find any. If you have absolutely nothing better to do with your life, then give it a watch. I wouldn’t go into it expecting one howl of a movie! Yes, that joke was better than the movie.