Written by Sergio Casci
Directed by Matthew Parkhill
Starring: Stephen Moyer, Luis Guzmán, and Rachelle Lefevre
Troubled divorcee Mary Kee is tormented by a series of sinister phone calls from a mysterious woman. When the stranger reveals she’s calling from the past, Mary tries to break off contact. But the caller doesn’t like being ignored, and looks for revenge in a unique and terrifying way…
Yay! Who wants to see six seasons of Lost crammed into a 90 minute film? Really? No one? Sounds about right. I’m not sure what genre this is. Horror/thriller/suspense/mystery? Is there a Sucks genre? Well, you found it. Before you start bitching, let me just state that I WHOLLY enjoy movies that employee something like time paradoxes – always have and always will. I give you the Lost episode, “The Constant”, absolutely brilliant in every conceivable manner. Kids, this is no “The Constant”.
“Yes, Pizza Hut? More like ‘Pizza SUCK’, amirite??”
There isn’t much of a review I can pull off without (further) spoiling this film. Yes, Rachelle Lefevre (Twilight), is stunning, and her interaction with Stephen Moyer (True Blood), has some understated chemistry, but this film just can’t get it together. The film does shine in the beginning, I will give it that. The fragile, recently divorced beauty moves into a shabby apartment and instantly gets a mysterious phone call from a woman asking if Bobby is there. Wrong number – write it off. Nope. The calls become more frequent and progressively sinister. Add an overbearing ex-husband who decides he can randomly stop by her apartment anytime he wants, despite the restraining order, and you have a pretty good set up. Factor in the calls are coming from a landline AND on a rotary phone and you’ll be screaming your frustrations that the protagonist can never hear.
“So, you’re telling me that True Blood is NEVER going to kill off Tara? That’s it – I’m out.”
The Caller is guilty of making every horror movie mistake possible. Why not just ignore the phone calls? She unplugs the phone at one point and guess what? The calls stop. Brilliant. Not content to get rid of the problem, she continues to take the phone calls she assumes are coming from the past. Yep. I’m serious. As the film delves deeper we discover that none of it makes sense, the ages don’t work, the timelines don’t add up – the complexity of linear time paradoxes are given the attention it deserves – it’s drawn out on a dinner napkin and that’s the last we hear on the subject. Treat the audience to an awkward Cinemax-style sex scene and the required fake out scares, and there you have a movie. If you enjoy screaming at the television and beautiful women with pretty hair, man, do I have a movie for you. If you want to understand what actually happens without researching internet movie forums for six hours – maybe just consult Netflix and watch Lost’s “The Constant” several more times. This one sucks.