Summer, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Labor Day is right around the corner, and with it – an unceremonious GTFO to summer. Take your sweltering heat, bumper to bumper traffic, drought warnings, and cram it. September is in sight, heralding change in its magnificent wake. Falling temperatures trigger a change in beer, clothes, music, entertainment, and last, but not least – an abundance of horror. Fall = horror sploosh. The first rust colored leaf that drifts languidly to the ground makes my heart sing. See previous sploosh. Awkward intro notwithstanding, let’s get to the meat of this – what can horror geeks be excited about in September?
I almost jumped the shark there. Before we begin, let me thank True Blood for proving me wrong. Turns out you were entirely capable of making a season worse than your sophomore attempt. Kudos, you dicks. True Blood has some weird allure that keeps us all coming back. The show does suck, just sayin’.
September delivers the unofficial end of summer, kids, and that’s all I need to slip into the new season. Let’s see what’s on deck to entertain us for the next month.
The Tall Man 8/31
When her child goes missing, a mother looks to unravel the legend of the Tall Man, an entity who allegedly abducts children.
The Possession 8/31
A young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that inside the collectible lives a malicious ancient spirit. The girl’s father teams with his ex-wife to find a way to end the curse upon their child.
[REC]³ Génesis 9/7
A couple’s wedding day turns into a horrific events as some of the guests start showing signs of a strange illness.
Resident Evil: Retribution 9/14
Alice fights alongside a resistance movement in the continuing battle against the Umbrella Corporation and the undead.
In the outskirts of the city, where crime is a way of life, the paths of four desperate people collide. Jordan Coleman, a local drug dealer, finds himself at a crossroads when his friend and mentor gets in too deep with a ruthless gangster and club owner. Chelsea Hammond, an exotic dancer, finds herself being pushed into the dark world of adult entertainment as she fights to regain control of her life. Narcotics detective Sam Riley struggles with an online addiction he has tried to keep hidden from his wife. Reformed street thug Harrison Green goes back to his old neighborhood to try to connect with a street brother he left behind. These four will face their ultimate test at the hands of Copernicus Jones, a ruthless gangster who will let nothing stand in his way. Written by Chris Corey
The House at the End of the Street 9/21
A mother and daughter move to a new town and find themselves living next door to a house where a young girl murdered her parents. When the daughter befriends the surviving son, she learns the story is far from over.
Revolution Monday, September 17 – 10pm EST NBC
Fringe Friday, September 28 – 9pm EST FOX
As the Observers make their way into our world, will the Fringe team be able to prevent the events depicted in 2036 from occurring?
Dexter Sunday, September 30 9pmEST Showtime
After witnessing her brother kill Travis Marshall, Debra attempts to reconcile with Dexter while struggling to cover up their involvement with the murder. Meanwhile, Detective Mike Anderson has an unfortunate run-in, Quinn and Batista begin to make amends, and LaGuerta finds evidence that causes her to re-think the closed Bay Harbor Butcher case.
666 Park Avenue Sunday, September 30 10pm EST ABC
Terry O’Quinn, who plays Gavin Doran, the owner of The Drake, says his character “could be construed as having the dark power.” The “Lost” alum added, “‘666 Park Avenue’ has a wicked dangerous power.”
“The show is about seduction — how everybody has a need or want, and how far would you be willing to go to get what you want out of life,” says Dave Annable, who plays The Drake’s newest resident manager Henry Martin along with his girlfriend Jane, played by Rachel Taylor.
“It’s about two young people that move into an apartment building which is very enticing on the outside, but it may not be everything it offers on the inside,” Taylor says.
Where do I even start here? I drink my last Hopslam as I write this article, a nice sign that I’m ready for a rush of new seasonal brews. This round let me show you three very nice pumpkin ales.
That’s it for now, kids. Stop by soon and see what the busy month of October is brewing up. The October edition will contain a valuable Halloween PSA regarding the very serious subject of ghost rapes. If you’ve ever broken an email forward chain, chances are…you’re going to get ghost raped. Find out how to make it through the season as a ghost virgin.