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Seven Below (2012) Why Val Kilmer… Why?

Article by SisterRoboto of

Directed By: Kevin Carraway

A group of strangers find themselves stranded after a tour bus accident, and must ride out a foreboding storm in a house where brutal murders occurred 100 years earlier.

Generally, if a movie is this appalling, I don’t even bother wasting energy writing about how terrible it is. In this case, I feel it my obligation to warn you of this horrible Val Kilmer/Ving Rhames film.  This truly has to be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. Even made-for-TV movies on the Sci-Fi channel are better than this.  The story makes absolutely no sense and I was completely lost by the end of it.  Oh, and the  ending? Don’t even get me started!  If my present self could go back in time and slap my past self for even considering watching this movie… I WOULD!  This isn’t worth the $1.28 that was spent to watch it. I wouldn’t spit on this movie to put it out if it was on fire. The acting is just embarrassing and the script is all over the place.  The writer seemed to gather every cliche from as many tired mystery/horror flicks as possible an pack them into one movie. The dialogue was absolutely hilarious (unintentionally I imagine) and there’s a part where Rhames actually does the “ice man” snap of his teeth at Val Kilmer, I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be funny, but if you didn’t get the Top Gun reference then I think it might have just been weird.

And the title “Seven Below” has absolutely NOTHING to do with this movie. There is no 7 below temperature, nothing to do with “7”, nothing to indicate seven below anything!?  Again I ask the question, why? I’m so confused and it just pisses me off!  After reading this rant, if you willingly seek out this movie,  you are an idiot who deserves the torture of watching it!   The nicest thing I can say about this film is that the people who funded this movie must be on some high dollar crack!  The evening prior I had the displeasure of watching Hostel 3 (also terrible), but Seven Below made it look like a masterpiece of cinema.  In summary… for the love of all that is good and pure in this world… don’t watch this movie!  You can’t say you’ve not been warned!

About SIster Roboto (21 Articles)
I am a graphic designer, mother, and lover of all things scary. I enjoy a delicious beer and the company of my lunatic friends in my downtime. I am a horror fanatic at heart and if something can give me that intense feeling of fear, shock, or disgust... I'd like to share it with the world.

3 Comments on Seven Below (2012) Why Val Kilmer… Why?

  1. Ugh. Thanks for sparing me this viewing, Jen!

  2. Thanks for review this because I was curious about. I saw it at Best Buy for like $10 but wasn’t sure if it would be worth the moneyw. Yeah I don’t know what Val Kilmer is thinking with some of his roles recently. With the exception of “Kill the Irishmam” and Felon” his films just don’t seem to have any substance to them, like he could chose to do such better films.

  3. LOLOL I will stay far, far, farrrrr away from this flick!!

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