Written & Directed by Kevin Tenney
In this horror film, the spirit of a young boy named David reaches out to Linda Brewster (Tawny Kitaen) while she participates in an Ouija board session at a party. However, when Linda unwisely uses the board alone to attempt to communicate with David, she summons the spirit of a brutal murderer, who begins to hunt down and kill her friends.
Witchboard, I kneel humbly before my glowing television and ask your forgiveness. For you see, even though I’ve seen you countless times, I confess that I haven’t seen you since 1992. While I remembered your labored dialogue, I had forgotten how great it truly is, how great it remains.
If you’re 21, blind, or still wear an inside helmet, I do forgive you for not seeing this; the rest of you, come on, man.
Uh, so, thanks, Mr. Santorum, but we’ve taken up enough of your time, and we’re just going to roll the fuck outta here.”
Witchboard is a gripping Jessie’s Girl-style horror/romance for the ages. It’s the same old story, two best friends, Jim (Todd Brewer) and Brandon (Stephen Nichols) fight over a girl, girl picks one of them, former BFFs suddenly turn frienemies after the love of their life accidentally gets possessed by a dead murderer who lives in a Parker Brothers Ouija Board. This movie could be none more serious business.
THE NEW HANDI-KILL© HATCHETS ARE OUT! ZOMG!
Dotted with broad strokes of bad acting, terrible dialogue, and delivery; WB shines like a flare in the night. There are wonderful things going on in Witchboard. It’s filled with straight up 80’s fashion and slang, it’s filled with fake-out scares, like the old closing-the-bathroom-medicine-cabinet-holy-shit-there’s-someone-in-the-mf-mirror gag,
While Witchboard has its own issues to address, you still can’t be mad at it. It’s a fine example of a horror movie from the 1980’s. It’s packed with fake-out scares, including the impressive fake-out-scare-holy-shit-real-scare-afterall scare, cheesy special effects, and some genuinely cool horror scenes. There’s a moment when you see the world from the spirit’s point of view, we ride along as the camera seems to float down hallways, above beds, etc, and it is fairly freaky.
HONEY! *GHAKK* YOU’RE DREAMING ABOUT CHOKING A *GHKKKKK* KAR-DASH-IAN AGAIN!!
I saw this movie when I was sixteen or so, old enough to drop my jaw when Tawny Kitaen was on-screen. Her full-frontal nude scene in the shower didn’t hurt much. We had a running joke back in the day that all copies of Witchboard in our immediate area were going to be deemed unwatchable since every teenager we knew was rewinding and pausing the nude scene repeatedly. Thanks goodness for DVD right?
There are some things that would make WB more enjoyable, the biggest of the bunch being the need for a Blu Ray release. I hate having a 50″ television screen and only being able to take advantage of 70% of the space. Other than that, this is one of those rarities that are admittedly bad, yet honestly scary and cool for the most part. Once I popped this in, it was like watching horror movies in my parent’s basement all over again. I would encourage you all to re-watch this 80’s classic. Enjoy the only film I can think of that pits an Ouija board against a pistol.
PS, waiting for a Kitaen-laced bonus Whitesnake video or something? TTFN….just a little psychic humor!