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Texas Chainsaw (2013) Movie Review

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Written by Adam Marcus

Directed by John Luessenhop

Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Tania Raymonde and Scott Eastwood

A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.

Texas Chainsaw 3D stumbled through the 2013 horror gate, setting the tone for the first quarter of the year. I knew TC3D would suck, but I was hopeful for a few moments of base entertainment. This ham-fisted entry clunks its way through three poorly paced acts that forces the viewer to not only despise the characters, but to also abandon hope. I was focused during the first few moments of the film, enjoying the last blurred moments of the 1974 classic. Sally’s unbelievable escape is documented along with the events that led the police to the Sawyer homestead. Leatherface, aka, Jed Sawyer, lived through the fire and he’s alive and kicking in 2012. Intrigued? No one is.

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TC3D is everything that’s wrong with horror. Did the producers think it would be a good idea to add their two cents to a beloved and respected horror icon? I can’t speak for all fans, but I ignored every film besides the original. Those films didn’t happen in my world, so this one sure as hell doesn’t get validation. The acting is ridiculous and laughable – good luck identifying with any character in this film. No one believes a geriatric Leatherface is scary. The 3D offers absolutely nothing to the experience, well, nothing positive I should say. Skip this at all costs – TC3D is 90 minutes of bottom-feeding bullshit with a pair of plastic glasses to help you focus on the suck. Don’t mess with Texas…Chainsaw Massacre. I can only assume Hooper is washing down Xanax with scotch after this travesty. Stay shitty, Hollywood.

About Fister Roboto (2136 Articles)
My horror boner lasted longer than four hours and I never called a physician. Original bassist for Creed.

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