Written and Directed by Dallas Richard Hallam, Patrick Horvath
Starring: Karen Baird, Suziey Block, and Farley Burge
ENTRANCE is about the limits of our perception, how the things lurking on the periphery of our lives can lead to horrific conclusions; about how she fell out of love with the city, but it wouldn’t let her go.
Patience is a virtue..unless you’re watching this film. Entrance sucked far too badly to devote much time reviewing this one, but let me break it down for you. The film follows a discontent and detached 20 something named Suziey. Yes, Suziey – strike one. She works a dead-end job in a LA coffee shop, lives in a rather nice apartment, has a dog, and puts on makeup. Get used to those facts because the film will spend at least 60 minutes revisiting those exciting details. You see, young and uninspired Suziey has lost her way in the city of angels and needs a change. After our fifth or sixth gripping shot of her putting dogfood in her dog’s dish, she discovers the dog has gone missing. Of course, like any good dog owner, she plasters her neighborhood with lost dog fliers. This might qualify for an action sequence in this dead eyed excuse for a horror movie. The film has no noticeable score to punctuate the bland and mundane life she lives.
Opening the gate – one of the film’s many action sequences. Pace yourself, she makes coffee later on. Possibly even espresso.
The film spends 60 minutes fleshing out absolutely nothing. She doesn’t really have any friends; nothing to excite or inspire her. She takes a guy home to her apartment one night and she lays there with her lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling as he pumps her. Very exciting, I know. In place of dialogue or actual character development, the film makers opt for her mundane life shots as some kind of passionless version of Groundhog Day. You might think I’m exaggerating because I hated this so much, but I’m not at all.
If you’re still awake by the “riveting” third act, you deserve to pat yourself on the back. That pat might wake you up for the eventual terror the movie promises in the trailer. Our boring and plain protagonist has a going away party and we meet a bunch of people we don’t know nor care to. Out of nowhere, a man dons the mask we saw hanging from Suziey’s mirror and goes on a killing spree. He explains to her that while she has forgotten him and the city, he hasn’t given up on her. Naturally he kills every party goer in attendance so he can have Sarah Plain and Tall all to himself. Does he kill her? Does she find her dog? Do we care that a group of people just got butchered? Does any of it make sense? The blanket answer is “no”. Entrance is by far the most boring and simplistic horror movie I’ve seen in recent weeks and I saw both The Apparition and House at Street at the theater.
So, what’s the message here? Get bored of your boring life and make an attempt to change it and some nameless jackoff will come and murder you? Maybe. Ultimately, I think the answer I’m looking for is simply “Who gives a shit?” And there, kids, you have almost experienced Entrance in its entirety. Exit might have been more appropriate of a name as I couldn’t wait to exit Amazon and get back to something exciting like running my virus checker on my laptop. If you make it through this and it inspires a single positive or thought-provoking emotion in you, well maybe you think feeding the dog and putting on lipstick is a big night at your place. A world of who cares. Shame on everyone involved. This is the Ambien of horror movies.