Written & Directed by Ed Hunt
Starring: Lori Lethin, Melinda Cordell, and Julie Brown
In 1970, three children are born at the height of a total eclipse. Due to the sun and moon blocking Saturn, which controls emotions, they have become heartless killers ten years later, and are able to escape detection because of their youthful and innocent facades. A boy and his teenage sister become endangered when they stumble onto the bloody truth.
How in the world did I make it this long without seeing this before now? My wife and I sat down with the specific intent to watch a cheesy 80′s horror movie. We we’re pleasantly surprised to find an above average genre flick that we couldn’t make that much fun of. It’s a simple and non-explanatory set up: three kids are all born under a solar eclipse, and due to the planetary alignment – the kids are born lacking empathy or real emotion. What they lack in compassion, they more than make up for in pure killing power.
The film has that late 70′s/early 80′s feel that directors and film makers are constantly trying to recreate, but rarely capture. You can figure out what’s going to happen in the climax almost as soon as you meet the innocent brother and sister protagonists, but what a fun little ride it is along the way. This is the kind of movie I would’ve begged my parents to take me to the drive-in to see. While my wife and I were making our own living room version of Mystery Science Theater 3000, we found ourselves surprised at the dated fluidity. These three kids are total monsters – even the weak link, Curtis, has chalked up more murders than we ever will.
Nothing says Halloween like watching a bunch of B movies and this is as A+ as B movies get. You can learn a lot and also see where the Scream murder rules began. Some surprising AND not so surprising things I learned:
1. “Downtown” Julie Brown from MTV has remarkably nice boobs.
2. Making out in a fresh grave is pretty much a universal signal that you want to die in said grave.
3. Every movie around this era has to have a John Carpenter’s Halloween inspired walk home from school, and someone’s Dad is always a cop.
4. When a ten-year old is trying to murder you, don’t forget you can just punch their stupid face in. IT’S A TEN YEAR OLD KID!
5. Nothing good ever comes of messing around in a junkyard.
6. Bev’s a slut.
If this film does nothing for you but make you crave cake icing, then its work is done. Bloody Birthday is available for streaming on Netflix and it is well worth the 90 minutes.