After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas makes their way into a newly opened waterpark.
Directed by John Gulager
Starring: Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff, Katrina Bowden, Matt Bush, and David Koechner
Piranha 3DD (or the 2D Blu Ray version I watched) tells you very quickly what you’re in for within its first three minutes. If you ever see Gary Busey with a submerged, farting cow – you don’t need to be Nostradamus to predict your next 90 minutes. I can’t decide what I like more: the fact that it’s such an intentionally over the top flick or that reviewers felt entitled to get mad and throw serious Rotten Tomatoes reviews around. I know I sure expected more out of a movie that utilizes a “Cooch Cam”.
Summer is fast upon Lake Victoria, AZ and The Big Wet Waterpark. Chet (Koechner), and his morally sensitive stepdaughter, Maddy (Panabaker), are clashing over the integrity of the family run park. Chet has added an adult pool and mentions “Double D’s get in free!” Add an ex-boyfriend and unrequited love interest to a blood-soaked TNA backdrop and the rest just works itself out.
There isn’t much of a review to see here – I mean, what are we going to discuss? The merit of The Hoff doing his Baywatch slow motion sprint? Well, to be fair, he is pretty awesome as himself in the movie. His disdain of ginger kids is warranted. The rest of the film is just what you expect, topless and large-breasted girls jiggling in terror or frolicking under a hot summer sun. Tack on some blood filled swimming pools and some tense can’t-get-out-of-the-water-fast-enough moments and you have Piranha 3DD. It’s summer, enjoy the blood and the intentional camp. This could be you getting your penis bitten off by a mutated fish. Bust out the sunscreen and herpes medication – summer has arrived.